When he first started
 |
wearing the yellow suit
I walked
across the street
and far behind
my dad
because
I
was
mortified
My dad was
attracting attention
in the way every
teenager wants
to avoid
In the stadium
he yelled
"Down the middle!!!"
for every
offensive play
turning heads in the stands around us
and that
made me want to melt
into my seat
too
It took me years
to appreciate his confidence
to find joy in the joy
he spread
as
the man in the yellow suit
but before he wore that suit
back in my soccer days
on the sidelines
Dad yelled
"BOOT IT, EMMY!
BOOT IT!"
always the same cheer
no matter what
he was my biggest fan
When he loved something
he really loved it
he would rhapsodize
about
a particularly sweet apple
saying
"it's like candy"
and
I doubt he'd have called himself
an "animal person"
but
he loved our cat Chili
and our dog Max
doting on them
scratching behind their ears
rubbing their bellies
and
when they leaned into his hand
he'd say
"you know which side your bread's buttered on"
Those animals
devoted
themselves to him
and he to them
He was a
"gentleman
and a scholar" with two PhDs
in Hawaiian shirts
and bandanas around his neck
his Martin guitar in hand
and a pen and pencil in his shirt pocket
and in the Michigan winters
grey and frigid for days
and days
Dad delighted in the cold
and marked his arrivals home
by saying "Ho ho ho!"
and
"I've gotta cold pee!"
The words swirling
in my head
are
"where do you go when you go"
because
I can't believe
I won't hear these words
repeated for as long as i can remember
from his mouth
anymore
I would roll my eyes
and sigh
"Oh dad"
but
I'll miss them
I'll miss his
optimism
his energy
his morning greetings
his ridiculous nicknames
his style
his love
he said
"how can I miss you if you don't go away"
and i'm
always
going
to
miss
him
but I'm going to try
to delight
to rhapsodize
to devote myself
like he did
to love
like he did
Written in May 2021
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